25 Things To Know Before Dating Me

  1. I’ve had a colorful past, and I’ve made a lot of mistakes; but if I say I’m working on it– then I really am. 
  2. I am dramatic.
  3. I’ll introduce you to everyone as “This is ______, and he’s lame.” Don’t take this the wrong way, I just love pushing buttons.
  4. Poetry? Oh, expect lots and lots of poetry about you.
  5. Especially about your jawline or your eyes.
  6. I will be your biggest fan, and make banners on demand.
  7. During shark week, or Satan’s Sacrificial Waterfall of Blood, I often have crying fits– But I try my best not to get other people involved.
  8. Sometimes I’ll want to take you out drinking and take stupid photos with you.
  9. I’ll suggest a million things that we can do, and want to do them all at the same time. It’s okay to tell me to calm down.
  10. I love giving gifts. It doesn’t matter how much it costs me, material gifts are one of my favorite things to give.
  11. I will love you with everything that I have.
  12. I can be a huge fucking idiot sometimes.
  13. I swear excessively.
  14. I will want you to communicate with me, tell me the things you don’t like and I will find a compromise.
  15. If I agree to date you exclusively/suggest dating exclusively, that means I’ve written at LEAST three poems about you.
  16. Sometimes I worry I’m not feminine enough, especially on cold days when all I want to do is sit around and watch porn.
  17. I can’t stay mad. Trust me, I’ve tried.
  18. I have crass humor, and will make dirty jokes occasionally. 
  19. I will cry over books and repeatedly suggest that you read them too.
  20. Sometimes I will quietly question your choice in clothing/hairstyle, but I’m not dating you for either, so feel free to dye your hair pink.
  21. “Meeting the family” scares me more than it might scare you. I’m insane, where do you think I got it?
  22. I will try almost anything you suggest, within reason. 
  23. I will poke fun at you from time to time, feel free to do the same.
  24. Something important: I will tell you about things that bother me, and repeatedly apologize for bringing it up.
  25. In short: I’m a huge, awkward, dork; but I will love you like a fat kid loves cake.
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