Memories # 1: the calm before the storm

I noticed you, but I didn’t.

Everyone else recalls the time when I first started talking to you, I don’t. Even you reminded me once. I didn’t know anything about you, and slowly, after a little bit of texting; I forgot who you were.

You probably did the same.

But then prom season came along, and you know how it goes for gender-exclusive schools. We girls are awarded with the pains of looking for a prom date. After much, much ado; someone suggested you. My thoughts were pretty much: why not, it’s only a night, right? So I asked you at your school fair, you said yes; but I felt like I forced you into it somehow…

Everything between me asking you and prom caught me by surprise; I was paying more attention to you, finding myself remembering you at the strangest times. It was only one night, right? Even when you got piss drunk at my classmate’s party and ralphed all over everyone, I found myself having the time of my life– I was beginning to wonder if it was because you were around.

Then prom night came, a full month later.

I remember my stomach turning into a black hole when they told me you were coming; a film of sweat forming between my skin and the PS3 controller than I clung to for dear life– my heart couldn’t take it. It was only one night, right? Only one night and you wouldn’t have a reason to talk to me anymore. We arrived, finally, and proceeded to be given the nickname “the disappearing act of the night”. I’m sure you remember, the unwinding away from the prom venue, where you pretended you were walking on the ceiling?

And in that darkness, with both of our backs to the warm marble, I wondered something. You spoke about everything, and I found myself comfortable settling in the dark, just listening to your voice. I had always been the talkative one, but with you? I could’ve never spoken again if it meant you never leaving.

….I guess it’s safe to assume that right then and there, you melted my heart. Your words were poetry, everything you did was poetry.

You told me stories about this girl you used to like; you said you were over her…. But I didn’t believe you for one second. You used to be the guy I didn’t give a second thought to, and now I was hurting over you because I had already lost the battle before I realized it was mine.

….But what can I say now?

Our talks by the bookstore, that one time at your place, even just over text…? They’ve kept me going. Even if I know this ‘you and I’ won’t happen… Just the fact that you’re around, H, keeps me going as the sun settles elsewhere.

It’s been a month since I’ve heard your voice, but I’ll keep waiting here in the dark until I do.


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